The Turkey Dump

Updated: November 24, 2011 at 8:59 am by Ryan Campbell

For those of you not familiar with the Turkey Dump, you will probably be the first people in the world to learn what it means on a fantasy hockey website.  The Turkey Dump is the theory that summer relationships that try to continue long distance into the school year will be over by Thanksgiving.  It is particularly relevant to high school sweethearts who go off to different colleges and promise that they will love each other forever.

Anyways, here is a list of players that you need to break up with by Thanksgiving (the American version).

Erik Johnson (60% owned in Yahoo! leagues)

Johnson was a catch back in the day.  He was the Prom Queen (1st overall pick) and went off to college and had a solid first two years.  However, some girls peak early and are washed up by their senior year, which is the case with Johnson.  Over the last two seasons, in 98 games he has 30 points and is -25.  Time to cut bait and stop living in the past.

Nikolai Kulemin (35% owned in Yahoo! leagues)

Kulemin was that guy who wasn’t very cool, but all of a sudden had a big season at the bar, converting his shots at an impressive 17.3% rate.  Unfortunately, this isn’t a sustainable pace, and he is not a true talent 30 goal guy.  Considering he doesn’t contribute much in the +/- category or spend much time in the box (too far?), it’s time to find a new wingman.

Victor Hedman (32% owned in Yahoo! leagues)

Talent isn’t everything.  Hedman looks the part and has the pedigree, but his skill set just doesn’t make him a good catch.  You’re not going to score enough with a girl who isn’t invited to any of the cool parties (power play time), and Hedman is currently behind Eric Brewer, Martin St. Louis, Marc-Andre Bergeron and Brett Clark on the guest list.

Daniel Alfredsson (24% owned in Yahoo! leagues)

In his prime, Alfie had the guys going crazy with his luscious blonde locks, but that was a long time ago.  He is -24 with 40 points in his last 69 games, and has given way to young talent like Colin Greening.

Dustin Penner (19% owned in Yahoo! leagues)

Penner was the big girl coming out of high school and didn’t get in to any of the good schools (undrafted).  Undeterred, he got himself in shape, had a couple good seasons, and got paid. However, it’s impossible to keep the weight off forever, and now he’s just another fatty with 8 points in 33 games with the Kings.


Daniel Alfredsson, Dustin Penner, Erik Johnson, Nikolai Kulemin, Victor Hedman